First and foremost, the holidays are probably going to be a common hiatus just because of all that goes on. But in reality there is something much deeper that has been the root of my sudden disappearance from working with blog writing and getting things in order with my book.

I Let Fear Win

It’s hard to write that. To make the statement that I let anxiety and fear get in there and root around and take hold. Part of it, for me, is truly chemical meaning that my hormones are all over the place, and the other I would dare say is definitely something that we all face when starting something that is bigger than ourselves.

So what am I afraid of? For those that have known me for some time, I’m more of a keep my problems and issues to myself kind of person and I’ll speak when I have something to say … but it’s not usually the most tactful. Despite my work-in-progress on tact, I’m always there to support others and lend encouraging words when things are just straight up in the shitter or even slightly inconveniencing. So why is it so hard for me to come out and write about things that need to be written about?

Some Call it Anxiety

Fear and anxiety are powerful responses of the human body that we actually need. The human body relies on the sympathetic nervous system to say “Hey! Something is wrong, please send help, or let’s get moving.” Fire, flood, or any dangerous situation really needs this system to be in place so that you can get your ass moving if you need to. According to the AMA anxiety is quite literally a shared human experience. We all have it and experience it at different levels throughout our lives. We have to manage this anxiety or fear for the future (from minutes to years) with different techniques and a lot of self-talk.

So what happened to me?

I let my anxiety overcome me and didn’t recognize the new signs that I was having problems (anxiety symptoms can change over the years). I honestly thought it was just holiday burnout and recovering from a job where the work did not fit for me. Maybe that was the entirety of it, maybe not but I still have to take ownership for skipping off the roller coaster before it even began.

What also happened is that I fight with depression on a regular basis and have for more than twenty years. It’s not something I take lightly and some days it is a struggle to get out of bed. The problem that starts to happen is that I was getting a double negative feedback loop going. Anxiety led to feelings of failure which lead to depression which led to anxiety about not doing things that I wanted to do and thus continues the cycle of crap. You, I, we, can get very lost in this amygdala run cycle and it also often leads to a lot of self-hatred and anger which is a secondary emotion to fear.

Why Did This Take So Long?

Part of it is what I called the amygdala cycle when talking about this with my Steven. We got to talking about how this whole entity of the amygdala is a lot like a character from a game that is actually called an Amygdala (Amygdala creature from Bloodborne). You have the primary processing area and then from there you have all of the arms and tendrils that reach into the many different areas of your life. Think of strong weeds that take over a garden. If you want to get rid of them, you have to tear them out at the root, not just where you can see them.

For some people, they are able to work through this pruning process much faster than others and that’s great as long as the perspective of understanding another’s struggle isn’t lost. I am not one of those people right now. I’ll admit that I was at one time and right now there’s a lot more firsts that I am having to deal with as a person that takes up time and mental space. So for me, taking care of this amygdala monster has taken a long time to dig out and repair the holes that were left.

How Can You Have This Happen if You Are a Christian?

While I won’t use the line of expletives that I normally would, let’s just say this. Life sucks! Just because I am a Christian and I rely on God with my whole being, doesn’t mean that there aren’t going to be struggles that seem insurmountable. That’s where I have to stop and get in my scripture and take care of what is commonly known as your spiritual pillar. This is the same for everyone. No matter what faith you have, you have to take care of and rely on your spiritual pillar. For me, I rely on God because from my experience with Him, human strength will fail every time but the strength of the Lord is something that never fails.

Something else that I want to touch on that a lot of people don’t understand is that being a Christian doesn’t mean that you get to escape the troubles and trials of life. You have to keep working and walking through everything but at this point you are not alone when you have your salvation in God. So yes, I am treated for depression and anxiety, and yes I work to rely on God through every high and low. Yet again, I am not impervious to this world, but I will walk through this world with the Lord leading the way.

What To Do If You’re Stuck

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, I just have experience.

Go online and you will find a plethora of useful(less) ways of approaching anxiety and depression. Everyone gives the same advice because it is what has been taught. From meditation to exercise, it’s all the same. But here’s the thing, the reason that everyone says the same thing is because at least one of these things can work for you if you are struggling with that amygdala feedback loop.

I’m just going to list a few and here’s the thing: DO NOT try them all at once. You will fail, burnout, and make yourself feel worse in the process. Start small and work things in as you can. Life is busy and not meant to be faced with a do-all-the-things attitude. That’s how we burnout and forget to stop and smell the roses!

Helpful Techniques

Meditation: I would start with The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. A near and dear friend loaned me his copy during an amygdala war where I was also pulling away from my faith and this book brought me right back. Meditation, even just ten minutes (especially when following Hanh’s techniques) centers the mind

Breathing Techniques: The easiest to start with is a 4/4 count breathing system where you breathe in for four counts and breath out for four. This can be very helpful in the middle of your mind working faster than you can act. Make sure you are sitting down because sometimes when we control our breath we can get light headed.

Do You Have Eight Minutes?: In a YouTube Short, Simon Sinek talks about a new method of communicating with people that is meant to bring about importance and direction to conversations instead of just blabbing about everything. He takes this concept and talks about a friend who was going through a hard time. The phrase “do you have eight minutes” became a codeword because sometimes all it takes is eight minutes with someone you trust to deescalate a situation that your brain is going through. For example, my eight minute crew is my parents, my Steven, Wifey, and a close friend who has watched me grow up.

Get Outside: The sun is a powerhouse for helping you recharge. You may not feel good in the moment, but the vitamin D that we get from the sun is different from what we get from that tiny little pill. I’m talking five minutes just to get out there and work your distance vision, feel the warmth on your skin and let your eyes take in light. It’s a small step but it helps immensely.

Take a Nap: My Steven and I call naps the hard reset button. You could be feeling like total shit and sometimes all you need is a total reset button where you rest or take a nap for thirty minutes. For me, because of the fatigue I deal with, that nap is much longer, but it resets how I’m feeling and can even help with pain and calming down thoughts!

Wrap-Up

I’m sorry. I’m sorry to those who have been waiting for more to read and join in on and I am sorry to those that have already started liking and following. Thank you for your support and I look forward to participating in more conversations from WhatsApp to Facebook to comments.

Let’s jump into this new year with a new vigor and mindfulness about how we act and how our amygdala is operating. We’ve got this!